You Got This Boo!

You Got This Boo!

Supposedly, everyone knows that men love the challenge of pursuing and winning a women, and women love being valued highly enough to be pursued and won. This is human nature 101. However, if you ask just about any person who’s single or who got married after the age of 20, you’ll probably hear about how love and “like” doesn’t always work out that smoothly.

As much as guys might enjoy pursuing women, they also have to deal with the other side of that coin: being rejected. And if you’ve spoken to a single woman recently, you’ve probably heard some sort of distress about how long it takes for guys to bite the bullet and simply, straightforwardly ask them out… and then the hot mess that results when they resort to taking matters into their own hands.

On both sides, the struggle is real here, people… the struggle is real.

This whole mess of who goes after who, who decides what, what’s old fashioned, who takes the lead and who waits… all of that stress is based in one common problem: fear, and that fear is rooted deeply in not knowing our true identity. What if every point of anxiety we’ve ever felt regarding relationships (and possibly everything else) all boils down to an identity crisis? Let me explain further.

Think with me for a moment of a person who knows who they are. This person, male or female, sees their life as having purpose, destiny even. This person knows that they fit into a bigger picture. They believe that they’ve been formed with intention and that, while they will inevitably continue to grow and learn new skills, understanding their inherent strengths and weaknesses and how to work with them, they know that they’re “ok”. They are not a mistake, God didn’t mess up when He made them. They know that God has laid a path out before them to walk, and while their choices affect the route they take, it will never change the destination… they will ultimately arrive where they’re meant to go.

This person will approach relationships very differently, because they know that a relationship is simply an extension of God’s plan for them which will happen and work when it’s supposed to. This means that, as a man, you can enjoy getting to know and evaluating the many and varied women around you, pursuing those who are of interest without fear, because a “no”, while disappointing for sure, doesn’t threaten your identity, it simply means that she’s not your wife. A “no” has freed you to find YOUR wife, cause she’ll say, “YES!” So, you can thank the one who says “no” for not wasting your time and move on.

For the lovely ladies in waiting… when you know who you are, because you know who your (heavenly) Father is, you don’t need to fear for the future. As Daddy’s-girl, you don’t fear being alone or not having what you need. You’re not longing to be picked out of the crowd because you’ve already been chosen by the Lover of your Soul. You know your worth, being well aware that you are highly valued, a precious commodity. You don’t have to convince someone to take you. The man who doesn’t perceive your value doesn’t diminish it, but shows he isn’t the one who will understand how to steward it well. You trust that the God who will lead your husband as he leads you IN your marriage will first be faithful to lead him INTO your marriage. You trust, and so you do not fear, and when you do not fear there is no need to take control, when you surrender control you are freed to focus on the life you’re living now and the amazing things you can do with your single years.

Now, that all sounds great… and it is. But no one is there all of the time. I’m certainly not. But I want to be, and I’m working on it, and I’m there a lot more these days than I was before, so I’ll take that as progress.

I guess what I’m saying is that it doesn’t need to be this hard everyone! Because in the end, this whole life and living it out thing isn’t about me, and it’s not about you. It’s really all about God. It’s about bringing Him glory with every day of our lives, being obedient and accomplishing the things He’s called us to today! And if that means that we find someone that shares that vision and we work toward that together for a while – EXCELLENT! If not, that doesn’t change the goal.

Here’s what it all boils down to. I might like you, and you may never, ever ask me out… this is ok. I’m still gonna get married, just not to you. You might ask me out… thanks for that… and I might say yes! But I might also say no. Not because you’re not great, but because you’re not my husband (cause there’s lots of awesome guys out there, but only one husband for me) and if you’re not my husband, then I’m not your wife! Be free! Go out, find your wife… get married… make babies… you got this boo!