The one about getting married

The one about getting married

A lot of people have been expressing interest in my marital status recently, mostly kindly intentioned, I’m sure. And I get it. I do. Last birthday I hit the magic number 30, which, for women at least, begins conjuring up thoughts of “old maid” and “the spinster sister”.

For the past several birthdays every well-wisher (with few exceptions) has written in my card that they hope this year I would receive the “desire of my heart”, which naturally means getting married. On a fairly consistent basis friends console both my parents and me that it’s not too late and they’re praying on my behalf.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’ll take all the prayer I can get. If you want to talk to God about good things coming my way, HAVE AT IT! In all honesty, I’m not offended by people wanting nice things for me. I simply think that at times our culture has lost sight of the bigger picture.

My goal is not to get married. Being a wife and mother is not my purpose in life. If I die without ever having been married I will not have missed my calling.

Singleness is not synonymous with failure. Marriage is not the definition of success, because marriage is not the goal.

My goal is to live well. I’ve spent the last ten years or so discovering and understanding who I am, who God has made me to be and what he has put me on earth to do. I now do what I do with confidence that God is for me and that I am fully capable of accomplishing the plans he has for me.

I believe getting married is one of those plans and I’m absolutely assured that it will happen (because God told me it would.) I don’t know the details; I think it’s very likely that I will marry an amazing man within the next 40 years. But even if I don’t, I’m still a Bride and in the end I’m going to part of the most amazing Wedding the universe has ever seen – and I won’t even have to pay for it!

Being a wife is part of who I am, as is being a mother. I’d really like to have my own kids one day, but until then I’m walking in the truth of Isaiah 54. There is a generation of people, both young and old who are desperate to be parented. The Body of Christ is in dire need of men and women to stop being overgrown children, begging to be spoon fed, and become a parent to those who truly need it. I can do that.

Here’s where I’m at: my life purpose is to use the skills, gifts and talents that God has given me to the best of my ability. I will not permanently connect myself to anyone who will not or cannot help me do that better than I could do alone. I will not marry a man who cannot add to me and it is inconceivable for me to marry a man who will hold me back.

My belief is that marriage is the ultimate partnership. It’s poor business judgment to enter a partnership that isn’t mutually beneficial. This is even truer of marriage. Any guy who comes knocking on my door better have something to offer, because whoever is lucky enough to win me is in for a treat! I’ve taken the time to figure myself out. I’ve worked through my baggage. I’m not half of a person looking for someone to complete me. I bring a lot to the table.

I am also well aware that I am not perfect, containing areas of both strengths and weaknesses. I need to be challenged with differing perspectives. I need to be pushed out of my comfort zone at times. My husband and I will not complete one another, but we will be amazingly complimentary. The man I marry will know his purpose and be headed towards it. Our goals, strengths and even weaknesses will be a natural compliment, because we were made for one another.

And don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten about love. “I’m determined that nothing but the deepest love could ever induce me into matrimony”, and I know without a doubt that I’ll find it. The problem with marriage today is that people pursue love, then hope they fall into it with someone who shares their goals and beliefs. I prefer the time proven method of pursuing your goals and beliefs, then falling in love with someone who is pursuing them alongside you. How can you help but love someone whose passion for life matches yours?!

So, that’s what I’m looking for. That’s who I’m waiting for.

Maybe I’m just a late bloomer, I had always assumed I’d be married by now. But in all honesty, I’m just hitting my stride! If I were married right this minute there’s a good possibility that I wouldn’t be able to do most of what I’m doing, my focus and priorities would have to shift. Maybe that will happen sometime soon, maybe it will be a while, but for today, it’s not what’s best.

Psalm 84:11 says that God doesn’t withhold any good thing from those whose goal is to walk in righteousness before him. In the past I’ve held on to this truth by faith, but now I can see it too! I could tell you the strangest stories of how God, through some of the most ridiculous means possible, has kept me from relationships that seemingly should have worked, but would have hurt me or kept me from walking fully in his purposes for me.

People talk about the “pool of potential spouses” getting smaller… I say, PRAISE THE LORD! Less distractions and sorting for me! The less choice there is, the easier it will be to see the good ones that come along! And anyway, I don’t need a whole pool full of guys, I only need one.

So, thanks for your thoughts and prayers, keep ’em coming… I need them and I’ll accept them with joy. But, one thing I don’t need is pity – single life is good! Married life will be good too, not better, just differently good.

One things for sure, in every season, I’ll be doing what God has given me to do to the best of my ability.

“Though none go with me, still I will follow.”