The love you deserve

The love you deserve

While I don’t consider myself to be purveyor of all knowledge on any topic, least of all relationships and love, at 27 I’ve been around the block often enough to have picked up a few tips along the way. Time is the great teacher and one thing it’s taught me is that we each deserve to be loved in a very specific way, and no one should settle for less. I can’t tell you how much angst I suffer when I see young people (girls in particular) pining over others who simply don’t deserve their attention. It makes me so sad and frustrated for them because I’ve totally been there and absolutely done that. But, I’ve also had enough experience now to see that there are some attitudes in relationships that we simply do not need to put up with, here is my list.

1. You deserve someone who really likes and eventually will really love you. The very earliest mistakes I see many young people (particularly very young teen girls) make is putting all of their energy into a person who isn’t really interested in them. This could be in a boy in their class who is really cute or even a celebrity (who doesn’t know they exist). A few things happen here, either the object of their disproportioned affection doesn’t give them the time of day or they hang out with them simply because being adored feels nice, that is until someone they actually like crosses their path, at which time they drop the extra person faster than you can say, “HowUDoin?” Sadly, this can be the beginning of some major identity baggage causing the first person to question their worth, value, and ability to really be loved. On the flip side, it’s an awesome feeling to be pursued out of genuine interest, once you know the difference you’ll never go back. First rule of dating: If the other person isn’t into you, that’s their loss.

2. You deserve someone who really loves who you are, not who they want you to be. I think it’s so funny when someone who barely knows me presumes to tell me what I’m like. Rarely are they correct, and generally their assumptions are more based on who they want me to be than who I really am. It’s not that we can’t be open to growing as a person, and often it’s those who we are in close relationship with who can help us grow the best, but there’s a fine line between growing into a better you and being molded into someone else’s idea of perfection. One is good, the other, very very bad. But oh, the wonder of realizing that someone appreciates the quirky odd little things that make you different from every other person, that they enjoy your company because of who you are not in spite of it. Second rule of dating: Never allow someone else to tell you who you are or who you should be. Find that out on your own, then rock it with or without anyone else.

3. You deserve to be loved for who you are, not what you can give. Some girls really just want a meal ticket, some guys really just want a maid. Some people really just want some companionship or a variety of other things. But none of these reasons are good enough to marry someone, because relationships are more than just what we can get from a person. Third rule of dating: Never date someone to simply fill a need in your or their life.

4. You deserve to be loved on your bad days. We all have bad days and while they are NO excuse for abusing those around us, we can’t be expected to be at peak performance every day of our lives, sometimes we will slip – and we deserve to get cut a break every now and then. Fourth rule of dating: The vow says, “for better or worse”, if they can’t handle your “worse” on occasion they don’t deserve your “better”.

5. You deserve to be loved by a nice person. As much as we all have bad days, if ALL we have are bad days that’s a problem. Make a conscious decision to surround yourself with people who treat others (that includes you) well! You don’t have to be anyone’s verbal (or physical for that matter) punching bag. Fifth rule of dating: You deserve to be respected, encouraged, and spoken to nicely, if the person your with isn’t doing those things find someone who will.

I think it most often comes down to settling, because “while things might not be great with this person there’s no guarantee they’ll get better with the next.” But that is such sad and defeated thinking. We need to start aiming a lot higher in our relationships. It may mean we don’t always have a significant other to hang out with, but it also means we will be ready and available for when someone worth having does come along.

You deserve the very best of love, don’t settle for less.



  1. Oh how incredibily beautiful. God is Love indeed.

    Abby I'm so encouraged by your writings. You never cease to impress me and cause me to be thankful for you. As I've said before, you are wise beyond your years and a daughter to be ever so proud of. Love you Pray for you and your to be ! hugs

    1. Thank you, thank you! You are always so encouraging! :)