I Need A Word
I can’t speak for your experience but I’ve noticed that in the moments where I’m most desperate to hear from God, He seems the quietest. In some ways this infuriates me, while on the other hand I totally understand it.
Here’s my reasoning: when I’m in the struggle, when I’m between a rock and a hard place, when I feel as though I’ve reached my limit, my desire is for God to swoop in with a “parting of the Red Sea” type miracle. Now I believe that God still does miracles, don’t get me wrong. It’s just that most of the time I think the miracle He’s working on pulling off is moving the mountain inside of me, rather than the one in front of me.
I think that in the moments I’m most desperate for someone to walk up to me and say, “Thus saith the Lord…”, what God really wants is for me to rest in faith on what He’s already said. It’s usually the times when I’m straining to hear what He’s saying, I find the difficulty isn’t that He’s not speaking, but that He’s not saying what I want to hear.
God is an amazing multitasker, and while yes, often He’s using you to work something in someone else, He’s almost always also working something in you through your seemingly impossible situation.
I’ve found that when my prayers are focused around what I need God to do, His answer has most often been, “Wait.”
I think that might be one of my least favorite words in the English language. But that’s probably why I hear it so often, it’s something that I avoid like the plague, so it’s something that God is using to balance and grow me. Great, right!? (Said with dripping sarcasm.)
You know what the irony of all of this is, on those “I NEED a word” days, if I can put aside my anxiety for a little while and rather than verbally assaulting God with all of my problems, if I can simply spend a little time just enjoying Him for who He is, I often figure out the answer I was looking for… Or if nothing else I feel a lot better about trusting that the whole thing is going to work out at the right time.
What I find most helpful is to remember that God does not need to be begged for His attention, my life is not lost in the jumble of all of His many responsibilities. His eyes are always on me. I occupy His mind and thoughts. He has not forgotten about my situation and has not overlooked my needs. While I may still need to wait, it’s only a matter of time before I see things more clearly. In the mean time He asks that I move forward on the path He’s chosen to the best of my ability, through the directions He’s given, then simply wait for the next instructions to come.
No stress. No unnecessary struggle. Just following the Shepherd. Where He leads I will go.