Dumping the fool's errand

Dumping the fool's errand

The obligatory Valentine’s Day post. This is where I’m supposed to either be totally in love with love or tell you all why I hate “singleness awareness day”. I’m not going to do either. Sure, I’m single, but that fact doesn’t make me cry myself to sleep at night.

Here’s the thing about being single: Can it be frustrating sometimes – yes. It can also be totally awesome at times – yes. Generally speaking it’s somewhere in between – yes.

Having said that, you’ll be happy to know that I don’t hold strong feelings about Valentine’s day, at least this year. Here’s why: I’ve decided that I’m done being sent on “fool’s errands”.

Here’s the back story:

I’ve tried it all. Online dating. Blind dates set up by friends. Long distance dating. My parents have pulled an awkward arranged marriage attempt. And I’ve even had the pleasure of the good, ol’fashioned boy meets girl kind of dating. The trip has been… um… interesting.

On the flip side of all of this I’ve gotten rather tired of the dating game. Thankfully, I’m not prone to falling head over heels in love at a moment’s notice. But even if my heart is still in (pretty much) one piece, all of this back and forth is just exhausting. So I’ve been trying to work out a plan for moving forward.

It started several months ago with simply asking God for direction. (A very good place to start.) You see, I don’t believe in “soul mates”, but I do believe in sovereignty. I believe God has a plan for our lives, involving things for us to do, and people for us to do those plans with. As such, I trust that if marriage is something God has for me, then He has someone awesome picked out too. I’m more than willing to bide my time until then.

But here’s the thing, I’m surrounded by people who love me and want me to be happy… it’s just that it would appear that none of them happen to be single men at the moment. These well-intentioned well-wishers love to make suggestions and talk about possibilities and try and get me to blush (which, in truth isn’t too hard. My skin tone is basically shades of pink.) And, on occasion, to be perfectly honest I don’t mind – because it’s fun to think about what could be. It’s enjoyable to dream about the future.

But, I’ve learned the hard way that these types of interactions do me no good. They are just fool’s errands that waste my time, energy, and love.

Now, that sounds super bitter – but it’s totally not. It’s just plain wise. The Bible is full of edification to “guard your heart”, “don’t awaken love until it desires”, and “take every thought captive”. Believe me, this is straight up Biblical.

So I try (and fail, and try again, and do really well for a while and fail and try…) very hard to focus on reality and not fantasy. I’m working on not reading into every nice thing a guy does (which is super difficult for an introvert who analyzes my whole day from start to finish daily.) My new motto: he’s not interested until he says, “Abi, I’m interested in you.” Simple as that. I’m not interested in, “so-and-so heard from so-and-so who heard it from this guy, who heard it from guy in question that he likes you.” Are we still in middle school? Apparently. Why don’t we just pass a note around and check yes or no! No. I’m done with that.

So as of last year sometime, I’m taking this whole “guarding my heart” thing seriously. The beauty is that guarding your heart doesn’t mean you have to be guarded. It might sound super cliche, but the safest place for my heart is in Jesus’ hands. So, I’ve taken this whole relationship issue up with my Maker and I’m letting Him deal with it – and it’s been amazingly freeing. By guarding my heart I’ve been able to be more open than I’ve felt in years – beautiful irony.

So, happy Valentine’s Day to anyone who wants to celebrate it. Happy Friday to everyone else. Just know, which ever camp you might fall into today, you are intensely loved. Loved more than you can ever know by a God whose passion is so pure and so strong that even death couldn’t overcome it. Happy thought indeed.



  1. God def has His plan for us and wise indeed for all to abide .......in all days for all life . You are loved and appreciated more than you know . Hugs

    1. Love you Aunt Pat!

  2. Valentines day is overrated...I spent last night at our apartment while Dan spent it in a snow fort lol. The part about the arranged marriage made me laugh out loud! I think its awesome you have a sense of humor about all the dating ups and downs.

    Ps. I don't think the "check yes or no" note is all that bad of an idea. At least it clears things up!! ;)

    1. I love that you love my brother! You may win the award for best wife ever, and in the process Dan will be able to keep us all alive during the coming zombie apocalypse with all he's learned. It's a win/win.

      Haha, maybe I'll start circulating some notes, maybe that will solve my problem. :)